Gluten Free Goodness

One of the most universal theme I see is the sense of needing to achieve something in order to be worthy.  It’s the sense of needing to get somewhere, receive some special award or have someone else’s approval before it’s possible for life to be okay.  It’s different for everyone, but the refrain goes like this: I need to…lose 10 pounds (or 20, or 40, or 100) and then I’ll be enough.  Get the book published, make partner, get whatever ranking on Klout, have a certain number of Facebook followers, get enough clients, get that shiny car I’ve dreamed of…and then I’ll be enough.

And we all know there’s a positive part of having a dream, goals, and passion for doing good work.  That’s not what I’m talking about.  It’s about when our worth as a human being is defined in terms of our ability to produce.

I can’t remember a time of my life I didn’t have some sort of target I had to reach in order to reach that elusive place where I could relax and enjoy.  Winning certain races, getting good grades, getting awards, recognition, whatever.  Each season of my life has had its own version of it.  When I finally can walk well, it’ll be enough.  I’ll be enough, and then I can relax and life will be wonderful.   When I reach my financial goals, it’s proof that I’m doing enough.

The biggest problem with that is that it’s not true.

Think about the last time you grabbed the shiny ring and you reached your “enough”.  Did you finally feel enough and stop wishing for more?  Maybe for a few days or a week, but it doesn’t seem to stick.

As I find myself grasping for my own “enoughs” , I’m again reminded of my desire to be enough.  Today.  Of giving myself permission to appreciate myself now, without qualifications.  Because when we keep running, we can’t embrace the present.

About 3 years ago, I thought I had leukemia and a few weeks to live.  I think that was one of the only times of my life I wasn’t running.  It was one time I was able to really let go of the sense of needing to accomplish something.  Death has a funny way of teaching us how to live. My only goal was to find a way to love and accept myself completely.  And of course, when that turned out to be a false alarm, I went back to forgetting what really matters.  (and to be fair, I was really overwhelmed and ill at the time, so no big judgments there)

Or, put more elegantly:

“You wander from room to room,

Hunting for the diamond necklace,

 That is already around your neck!”

 — Rumi

Because when we relax back, we’re usually where we need to be.

I don’t think it’s about banishing “not enough”, but moderating how much real estate it takes up in my mind and my life.  I know when I have a pervasive sense of not “enough” , it’s time to slow down and refocus on what I care about and what really matters.  The more I see it for what it is, the easier it is to shift it to the background.

What are your “enoughs?”  And what has helped you have the courage to set them aside and be beautiful just as you are?

And I do realize the irony of posting right before the Oscars, which is the epitome of people needing to be perfect to be enough…

In honor of Valentine’s Day, I want to spotlight ways to support someone you love who can’t eat gluten—not just for one day, but all year round!  Some of us are gluten-free by diagnosis, others gluten-free by love (i.e. gluten-free because the one we love is).  It is challenging, and people have to find what works for them and their family.  Some families decide to give up gluten all together, like Ricki of Diet, Dessert and Dogs.  Many discover that their partner is gluten sensitive, too (one client at a class discovered that she and her hubby BOTH had celiac, long after they were married.  What odds!) Others have a mixed household.  No matter what, communication and education is key, and support is such a gift.

Suggestions for Glutenivores who love someone gluten-free:

Rule (not suggestion!) #1 Safety first!

I know this goes without saying, but anyone who loves you will not want to see you hurting and will not want you to sacrifice your innards.

As my hubby puts it,  “Having gluten in the house means being careful to avoid cross-contamination that could risk the health of someone with Celiac.  If you’re not going to have a completely gluten-free household, do your best to clean up after yourself when preparing foods with gluten, and make sure that your significant other doesn’t accidentally drink from your glasses, eat off your plates, or use your utensils.”

Suggestion #2: Get everyone educated.   When I have sessions with anyone newly diagnosed, I always suggest they bring a SO, friend or roommate along.  That was also a big reason for my videos on Celiac and a gluten-free diet. Why?  If your partner in crime doesn’t understand what you’re doing, it’s awfully hard for them to make sure they’re supporting you.  I love that my husband can explain to my MIL what I can and can’t have and a second set of ears and eyes looking out for me.

As Diane of The WHOLE Gang takes this one step further and reminds us that it’s great to spread that hands-on knowledge to the kitchen: “Take gluten-free cooking classes together so you can learn more about what’s involved.”

#3  Go for a united front: That doesn’t mean everyone needs to be gluten-free, but everyone needs to be supportive.  When we’ve gone to restaurants and had them push back against my requests, my husband has been right there with me, and we’ve left when necessary.

Carrie of Ginger Lemon Girl agrees ” Michael also has learned to be a strong advocate for me in restaurants and even when visiting family. He’ll remember small things like reminding the waiter to make SURE to leave croutons off my salad (I often forget to say this!) or when we’re visiting his family he’ll give clear instructions to his mom about how to prepare a food so I can eat it safely. This is a huge support to me and makes me feel  very loved.”

#4 No deprival!  There was unanimous agreement: deprival is absolutely not necessary for either gluten eater or gluten-avoider!

“Your partner should be treated to the same yummy foods as you are, and visa versa; and the food should be gluten-free or free of whatever food allergens either of you must avoid. It’s always possible, so make it happen! “~Jules, baking goddess of Jules Gluten-Free Flour

Carrie sees eating out a great way for her and her sweetie to both enjoy: “Eating out at safe restaurants (that have both gluten-y foods and gluten free foods) is a great way for Michael to enjoy the gluten-filled foods he loves without feeling like it’s making me go out of my way to make two meals or possibly cross-contaminate my kitchen. I certainly don’t mind him eating whatever he wants when we go out, since he generally eats what I eat when at home. And Michael is very considerate in making sure he brushes his teeth or rinses out his mouth before kissing me after a meal out. Something I never would have given a 2nd thought too when I ate gluten! “  Where we sometimes see need to be careful, Diane sees opportunity: “But if they make the switch (to gf) too, well then it’s kissing all the time anytime! ”

And advice from my favorite hubby: “You’ll probably have to get used to a big change in diet, but you don’t need to give up the glutenous foods that you love. You can find some good restaurants with take-out. [Cheryl’s note: sometimes wifey just doesn’t feel like cooking and appreciates the break!] . “It’ll take some adjustment, and it’ll be frustrating at times, but you can support your loved one’s need to avoid gluten”.

What are your tips so that everyone stays happy and healthy?

PLEASE support Licensure for Dietitians in Virginia! (I don’t usually get political on my blog so please bear with me) There is a bill in the VA House of Delegates HB 345 (O’Bannon) regarding licensure of dietitians, and it is important to me that it passes.

Why?

Well, services for Celiac clients are up to each insurance company. Anthem has stated they won’t cover RDs in Virginia because we’re not licensed in Virginia (they cover in other states). That’s not fair, and clients with Anthem can’t get the support they deserve on a gluten-free diet. I’m all for people getting the support they need, & making it financially accessible.

I like the idea of greater regulation, because it means we’re held accountable. If an RD is reprimanded for malpractice  in DC or MD,  they’d have to stop working as an RD in those states, or can just move to VA & work here. That just doesn’t make sense

There are many groups fighting this bill, and I think it’s because they don’t understand what it’s intended to do.  It’s only intended to give RDs a scope of practice and regulate our actiosn.  It is designed NOT to restrict on anyone who is not an RD (aside from someone who isn’t an RD can’t say they are). It doesn’t keep anyone from teaching about nutrition, coaching, or selling supplements, or doing what they do. It simply insures that RDs practicing in VA have not received sanctions from the state, or any other state.  And it may help us get services covered by more insurance companies.

Health coaches, teachers, Weight watchers, etc.  are not affected by this law (see below)

And, because I’ve gotten questions, here’s the text:

§ 54.1-2956.16. Exceptions to requirements for licensure as a dietitian.
108 The licensure requirements for dietitians established pursuant to this chapter shall not apply to and a
109 license as a dietitian shall not be required for:
110 1. Any student performing activities related to an accredited educational program under the
111 supervision of a licensed dietitian or any person completing the supervised practice required for
112 licensure;
113 2. A registered dietetic technician working under the supervision and direction of a licensed
114 dietitian;
115 3. A government employee or a person under contract to the government acting within the scope of
116 such employment or contract;
117 4. Any health professional licensed or certified under this title engaged in the profession for which
118 he is licensed;
119 5. A certified teacher employed by or under contract to any public or private elementary or
120 secondary school or institution of higher learning;
3 of 3
121 6. Any person with management responsibility for food service department policies, procedures, or
122 outcomes in any food service department in any program or facility licensed by the Commonwealth;
123 7. A dietitian who is serving in the armed forces or the public health service of the United States or
124 is employed by the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs and who engages in the practice of dietetics
125 provided such practice is related to such service or employment;
126 8. Any person or retailer who does not hold himself out to be a dietitian who furnishes general,
127 nonmedical nutrition information on food, food materials, or dietary supplements or on the marketing of
128 food, food materials, or dietary supplements; and
129 9. A person providing weight control services through a program that has been reviewed and
130 approved by and when consultation is available from a licensed dietitian, a dietician licensed in another
131 state that has licensure requirements at least as stringent as the requirements for licensure pursuant to
132 this chapter, a dietitian registered by the Commission on Dietetic Registration of the Academy of
133 Nutrition and Dietetics, or a successor organization thereof, or a physician licensed in the
134 Commonwealth. Program changes may not be initiated without prior approval of the program approver.

Sounds kinda reasonable, doesn’t it?

If you live in VA, you can find your district representative here: Click here to the Who’s My Legislator feature.  Enter your name and mailing address then click Lookup.  You will be directed to a form where you can send a message to both your Delegate and Senator simultaneously.

I love the Brene Brown’s blog and I was taken by the most recent entry on choosing a word, a theme of sorts for 2012.  And before conscious my brain could kick in, immediately the word “courage” popped into my mind.

At first, I was surprised.  I have more than enough courage when it comes to the pushing, type A, hard driving/yang/masculine side—the staring down the lion courage, or the courage of a mouse eating a leopard’s dinner (seriously).  I struggle with the soft/yin/feminine side of courage—the courage to be vulnerable, the courage to accept reality exactly as it is and accept my own imperfections without trying to fix or hide them.

Or, as put so eloquently:

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.”

~ Mary Anne Radmacher

The hardest thing is always exploring the parts that aren’t quite comfortable and don’t come naturally, but it’s always the most rewarding, too.

What’s your word for 2012?